Herschel Presents: Candlehead's Dumbest Moments
by Captain Alaska
Summary: A mini-series in which I take real life moronic scenarios, or ones that I make up, and place everyone's favorite ditz in. From rigging the lottery to pouring water on a burning electrical line, there is no level of stupidity that Candlehead cannot reach. Read on and see how dumb she can really get. Episode 12: The E.T. Proposal Posted
1. Episode 1: The Lottery

**Herschel Presents: Candlehead's DuMbEsT MoMeNtS.**

**Episode 1: The Lottery**

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It was that time of year again for the Sugar Rush lottery. The jackpot was a record this year. 1 Million Gold Coins, a lifetime of Roster Races for one of the lucky racers, or for one of the candy citizens. "I've got a good feeling about this one guys," Rancis exclaimed as he kissed his lucky ticket.

"Geez Rancis," Swizzle chuckled and pocketed his ticket, "you kiss that thing just about as much as you kiss Vanellope," he joked.

"Well, I did use her birthday and the number of races she's won," Rancis explained. Gloyd slapped the back of Rancis with a grin.

"Whatever makes you sleep at night kid, but _I've_ got the lucky ticket here," Gloyd smiled and waved the stub around.

"What's on there? Taffyta's birthday?" Herschel asked as he received his ticket full of NASCAR driver numbers. Gloyd looked around and whispered.

"No, her measurements," Gloyd said and chuckled. Herschel smacked him upside the head and glared at him.

"Bro, that's sick," he scolded the Halloween racer. While the four boys were arguing which one had the lucky ticket, Candlehead walked up and purchased her ticket.

"You're just in time," the candy person behind the counter said, "we're just about ready to draw the numbers," she explained. Candlehead's eyes lit up and she jumped up and down slightly.

* * *

**(A Few Minutes Later)**

"YESSSS WHOOHOOOO BABY! FREE RACES FOR LIFE! And you said I was sick Herschel, well read it and weep!" Gloyd mocked and waved his ticket in Herschel's face.

"Damn lucky son-of-a-bitch," Herschel grumbled and threw his ticket in the garbage after collecting a measly 5 gold coins. Meanwhile, Candlehead read the winning number board and her head sunk. She didn't win anything, and she spent a lot on her ticket for being a last minute purchase.

"Aww, well maybe next year," Candlehead said before getting an idea. She saw that if she changed her last number from 11 to 17, she could win 20 gold coins, not much, but better than nothing. So, Candlehead snuck to a dark corner, took out a ball point pin and forged her ticket. "There, they'll never know," she giggled mischievously and went up to the counter. "Hi, I'll take my 20 gold coins please," Candlehead said kindly.

"Okay Ms. Candlehead we'll just-," The counter worker started before seeing the childish forgery. "Hmm, just give me a minute please," the counter worker said before going in the back.

"That's fine, I can wait," Candlehead smiled and crossed her fingers behind her back. Her flame flickered due to her nervousness.

"Hi, Duncan, I need you down here, Candlehead forged her lottery ticket," the counter worker informed the police captain. _'Oh geez, we'll be down there soon, just keep her there and don't give her the money,'_ Duncan said from the phone. "Okay then," the worker said and hung up. About five minutes later the police showed up and put Candlehead in some lollipop handcuffs.

"Hey, what gives guys?" Candlehead asked.

"Candlehead, you're under arrest for cheating the lottery and you'll spend five nights in jail," Duncan read her her punishments. As Wynchell walked Candlehead to the police van, Duncan glanced over to the lottery board and then back to Candlehead's ticket.

"Holy crap," Duncan said in disbelief and took off his sunglasses to see better.

"What's up Duncan 'ole buddy?" Wynchell asked his friend.

"If Candleditz had looked more carefully at the winner's board, she would've seen that her ticket would've won her FIVE-THOUSAND gold coins," Duncan said and shook his head.

**End Chapter 1**

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_I'm thinking of making this a little mini-series. If you guys like this, please tell me and I can pull these out no problem. They won't interfere with Dark Descent, Start Your Engines, or the Sugar Rush Cup Series._


	2. Episode 2: The Coca-Cola Switcharoo

**Herschel Presents: Candlehead's DuMbEsT MoMeNtS**

**Episode 2: The Coca-Cola Switcharoo**

_Thank you to all who reviewed. Came as a big surprise to see how many people liked it. Enjoy chapter 2!_

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"Sorry Candlehead, I'm all out of soda today," Herschel apologized as he locked up his movie theatre, _Herschel's Flix._

"Aww, I don't want to have to go to the Sugar Rush store, I don't have any money thanks to that stupid lottery," Candlehead grumbled while Herschel walked Candlehead to her kart.

"Okay, that was your own fault Candles," Herschel scolded her, "but if its soda you want, try the Street Fighter game, I'm sure there's some vending machines there somewhere," he informed the birthday cake racer and took off in his Wonderboy kart.

"Hmm, Street Fighter? I guess it's worth a shot," Candlehead said to herself and drove off to the best fighting game ever created. However, on her way, Candlehead was stopped by a Koopa in Game Central Station wearing a trench coat and a fedora with his hands in his pockets.

"Hey kid, whatcha doin out this late at night?" The Koopa asked and pulled a tooth pick out.

"Hi Mr. Ninja Tortoise, I'm just looking for some soda," Candlehead replied before gasping, "do you have any?" she asked excitedly. The Koopa gave a 'WTF' look at being called a Ninja Tortoise, but shook it off with a mischievous smile.

"Yeah actually I do," the Koopa retorted and reached into his trench coat and pulled out a silver canister marked 'Coke.' "Is this what you're looking for Miss?" he asked in a polite tone. Candlehead's eyes lit up and she jumped up and down.

"That's _exactly _what I need, but I don't have any money on me," Candlehead pouted. The Bowser minion smirked and tossed her the canister.

"Consider it a gift, first one's on the house, but I'll have to charge ya the second time," he explained before taking off his hat and bowing slightly as he disappeared into the shadows.

"Weirdo," Candlehead told herself as she hugged the canister and tossed it in her kart and drove back to her house. Once she got inside, Candlehead licked her lips and got a glass out of her cupboard to pour herself a glass of Coca-Cola. "Wish it was Pepsi, but it's better than nothing," she smiled and poured the substance out before asking "Huh?" Instead of a syrupy brown liquid drink, it was a fine white powder. "This isn't Coke," she said to herself, "is it Sugar?" She asked and licked some off her hand. "Oooooo_oooohh,_ that's _goooooooood,_" Candlehead droned as she licked some more of the substance and giggled with glee. "Hi Mister Hand, what're you doing over there?" she asked in a daze and waved her hand around, mesmerized by the several different versions of it. "I can see sound," she told herself before collapsing on her couch.

* * *

**(One Day Later)**

"Hey Herschel, have you seen Candlehead?" Vanellope asked the theatre owner the next morning. Herschel dumped the kettle of popcorn and turned around with his arm on the counter.

"I haven't seen her since last night; she was looking for soda, but I ran out yesterday," he explained. "Did you try her house?" he asked Vanellope. The President shook her head and tapped her foot.

"No, she was supposed to meet me this morning about the lottery incident, but she didn't show up," Vanellope replied before running out to her Wreck-It Mobile and took off for Candlehead's house. Once Vanellope reached the giant cupcake, she parked her kart behind Candlehead's Ice Screamer and knocked on the door. Vanellope's face scrunched into that of confusion when she heard Candlehead reply, "Is that you again Elvis? I thought you had to record Viva Las Vegas last night." Vanellope glitched into her friend's house and gasped at the scene before her. Candlehead's candle was not flaming, but just smoking barely, and Candlehead was wearing a bathrobe backwards, holding a bath brush like a scepter.

"Hey Vanellope, when did you get here? Did you tell Elvis I'm ready to be his date to his concert on Saturn?" Candlehead asked. Vanellope slipped into the kitchen and texted some friends, whom showed up 2 minutes later. Gloyd, Taffyta and Rancis all entered Candlehead's house and had the same reaction that Vanellope had.

"Holy shit, what the fuck happened here?" Gloyd asked, earning him a slap from Taffyta.

"Watch your fucking mouth Gloyd," she scolded her boyfriend. Vanellope helped Candlehead up and onto her couch where she giggled and played with her hands.

"I knew this would happen, she's gotten so stupid she's aging backwards," Rancis shook his head.

"No," Vanellope scoffed as she picked up the empty silver canister and studied it, "she's not aging backwards, she's high, and as a kite to add," Vanellope explained.

"Oh Mod, I feel _grrrreeeeaaaatttt,_" Candlehead groaned and played with her candle. Then, Candlehead's composure changed from mellow and happy to confused and apologetic. "Oh, I'm so sorry guys," Candlehead said, "I didn't mean to," she added.

"What're you sorry for Candlehead?" Gloyd asked. Candlehead motioned for the four to come closer before spilling.

"Planet Earth is blue and there's _nothing_ I can do," she said before giggling like a hyena. Taffyta face palmed and Rancis rolled his eyes. "Oh and I've been wanting to do this for awhile," Candlehead added.

"What are you talking about?" Vanellope asked before Candlehead grabbed Gloyd's head and crashed her lips onto his.

"You are so cute Gloydie," Candlehead said dreamily as they parted lips. Taffyta's eye twitched and her body shook with anger before she E-R-U-P-T-E-D.

"CANDLEHEAD!" Taffyta screeched and pounced on the high racer.

**End Episode 2**

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_I hope you enjoyed Episode two. I can see Candlehead mistaking Cocaine for Coca-Cola if it was marked as Coke. BTW, try and guess which song Candlehead sang when she said, "Planet Earth is Blue and There's Nothing I Can Do."_


	3. Episode 3: One Turn Too Early

**Herschel Presents: Candlehead's DuMbEsT MoMeNtS**

**Episode 3: One turn too early**

_Wow guys, I'm really astonished at how popular this is getting. But Episode 3 is based on a real event that happened to Mark Martin in 1994 at Bristol Motor Speedway in the Busch Series at the Goody's 250._

* * *

"Come on Candlehead," the crew chief of the Betty Crocker sponsored driver rang in her ear, "only five laps left and you've got the win!"

"Okay Pat, I got ya!" Candlehead replied and worked even harder on the lapped traffic ahead of her. Then suddenly, three cars ahead of her wrecked and slid down the track in front of her. Luckily, Candlehead and everyone else missed the wreck and slowed down for the caution.

"YES! Just keep up pace speed for four laps and you've got Victory number three!" Her crew chief radioed. Candlehead started jumping up and down in her seat, trying to contain the excitement inside her.

'_Yay!'_ Candlehead thought to herself, '_Only three laps and I'll have career victory number four!'_ She thought and grinned. Three laps passed, and the flag man waved the white flag, signaling the final lap, but Candlehead didn't notice and dropped the window net on her car, fist pumped out.

"And it looks like the winner, Candlehead, is getting in a little bit of an early victory moment here, but it's her third victory, I bet she wants to savor it," Dentyne Waltrip announced. However, the whole race track went silent as coming out of turn number four, Candlhead's car drifted down from the track and down pit road to victory lane.

'_NO NO NO! YOU STILL HAVE TO CROSS THE FINISH LINE!'_ Candlehead's spotter screamed at her, but she had already taken her helmet off, so she didn't hear her radio. The racing officials were forced to give the win to Crumbelina. The officials had to tell Candlhead to move her kart out of victory lane and back to her hauler, it was rather hard for them, but Candlehead didn't understand.

"But, I thought I had the win, why am I getting my win taken from me?" Candlehead asked Mocha Helton, the president of the SRCS.

"I'm sorry Candlehead, but you pulled off track to early; we had to do what we had to do, but you still ran a great race," Mocha both apologized and complimented. Candlehead's face was plastered with the deer in the headlights look.

"So, do I get the win or not? Are they re-making the trophy for me?" Candlehead asked with her finger on her lips. "I'm pretty sure I won," she added with her stupid grin on her face. Mocha sighed and pulled a Zippo lighter from his pocket and handed it to her.

"Here, take this consolation prize," he said and flicked it on for her. Candlehead's pupils dilated and she said 'Ooooh.'

"Pretty flame," she exclaimed as she sat down and stared at the flame as her crew members took her car back to her hauler. Her crew chief grumbled and punched the side of the hauler.

"Please God, give me the strength to keep from strangling her," he said to his reflection.

**End Episode 3**

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Not my best, but still pretty funny considering it actually happened.


	4. Episode 4: The Red Dot Phenomenon

**Herschel Presents: Candlehead's DuMbEsT MoMeNtS**

**Episode 4: The Red Dot Phenomenon **

_Credit goes to Dark Demon122 for the idea. HAPPY 2014 WRECK-IT RALPH FANS!_

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"So, do you guys want to do anything?" Swizzle asked as he sprawled his body over the hood of his kart.

"I can't think of anything, but I'm bored as hell," Taffyta replied as she took her strawberry hat off and laid it over her eyes. Everyone was just laying around, trying to enjoy their Sunday off, but with NASCAR over with and the football games done, they had nothing left to do.

"Want to have an exhibition race?" Sticky offered as she laid in Herschel's lap.

"Naw, we race everyday," Vanellope exclaimed with a yawn.

"Well, someone think of something, or else I might go watch the Street Fighters fight," Herschel butted in and supported his head up with his fist. Then, Gloyd's kart zoomed around and stirred up the cinnamon dust around everyone, forcing them all to cough. Gloyd's kart screeched to a halt and he exited it with a huge grin plastered on his face.

"What're you doing Gloyd?" Rancis asked, "did you manage to prank the Surge Protecter again? You know what he said last time," the Reese's boy reminded the Halloween Boy.

"No, I passed on that," Gloyd replied and pulled what appeared to be a pen from his pocket, "I found this laser pointer in Game Central Station and thought we might have some fun with it," he explained and clicked the red light multiple times. Suddenly, Spike, Vanellope's Devil Dog, yelped and started chasing after it.

"Get it Spike, good boy!" Vanellope cheered her dog on. Gloyd pointed it at a tree and then turned it off when Spike jumped at it, but his quick reflexes allowed him to dodge the tree. Finally, Gloyd turned it onto the ground in front of Vanellope, and Spike pounced on it. By this time, everyone was laughing at the confused dog as he whined that he couldn't dig at it or pick it up. Then, Swizzle got an idea and he tapped Gloyd's orange shoulder.

"Hey Gloyd, I got an idea if you please," Swizzle asked and held out his empty hand. Gloyd smiled and placed the laser pointer in his friend's hand who then pointed it at Candlehead's jacket. The aforementioned racer then jumped when she saw it.

"EEEHH, what is it?!" She asked and jumped out of the way, but Swizzle followed her and pointed it at her stomach. "Someone get it off me!" She screeched. Swizzle then pointed it at the ground and Candlehead's foot slammed onto it. "Ha!" She exclaimed triumphantly, "take that you naughty dot!" she said to it but then realized that it was still on her foot and she jumped away again. Swizzle then twirled it around, and Candlehead followed it.

"Candlehead, come on, catch the pretty red fairy," Taffyta joked and took the laser pointer from Swizzle. Taffyta zoomed it all around the ground, allowing Candlehead to lock onto it and chase it. Taffyta did figure eights, which Candlehead dumbly followed. She also went back and forth several times, confusing the poor ditzy racer. Taffyta then pointed the laser pointer in between Candlehead's legs and went behind her. The racer bent down and looked in-between her legs to see the dot 'waiting' for her.

"This time, I got you," she said and charged at the dot.

"How stupid did Tobikomi make her again?" Herschel asked Sticky.

"I don't know Hershey, sometimes she amazes us," Sticky replied as she tried to hold back a giggle. Candlehead ran after the dot as fast as she could, but Taffyta had other plans. She led Candlehead to a tree and then darted the dot back right before it hit the tree, but Candlehead wasn't paying attention to what was happening in front of her. She smacked her head into the tree, forcing her to stop immediately. But, just as soon as everyone thought she was hurt, Candlehead shook her head and got up.

"Ha, is that all you got? I'll get you someday dot!" She exclaimed as soon as Taffyta turned the laser pointer off. "Did you guys see how mean that dot was to me? It was pretty, but it was mean, kinda like Taffyta," Candlehead said in awe and sat down on her kart.

"Here Candles, play with this," Taffyta said and handed her the laser pointer. The green haired racer took it and pointed it straight in her eye and turned it on.

"Ooh, it's so pretty," she said as her Retna burned out.

**End Episode 4**

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I will update Start Your Engines next, I PROMISE


	5. Episode 5: To Candle, or Not To Candle

**Herschel Presents: Candlehead's DuMbEsT MoMeNtS**

**Episode 5: To Candle, or **_**not **_**to Candle**

* * *

_This idea is credited to LordCandyCane. Please check out their story, The Scrapped, it's *BLEEP* awesome._

One day, Candlehead was skipping merrily through Sugar Rush, singing merrily as well. "One Two, Freddy's Coming for you, Three Four lock the door," she sang until she heard a perilous cry for help,

"SOMEBODY HELP MEEE!" Candlehead heard someone cry out.

"Huh? Who's there?" She asked as she weaved her way through the Candy cane forest. Candlehead ran around until she saw Taffyta sinking in a Taffy swamp. Her beloved '_Pink Lightning'_ had only the rear bumper sticking out of the swamp, and Taffyta's head and arms were sticking out of the swamp.

"Candlehead! PLEASE HELP!" Taffyta begged, trying to stay afloat.

"Oh no, Taffyta what happened?" Candlehead asked as she took off her jacket to give to Taffyta to yank her out.

"I was practicing my kart control when I hit a rock and skidded into the Taffy swamp!" Taffyta yelled. Candlehead leaned over and threw Taffyta one of the arms of the jacket, which she happily grabbed. Candlehead then began to pull, and it was working! Taffyta was slowly getting pulled out, and Candlehead pulled even harder. "It's working! Keep it up Candlehead!" Taffyta cheered her on. Suddenly, Spike, Vanellope's Devil Dog pet, jumped up and knocked Candlehead's Candlehat off and into another Taffy swamp.

"SPIKE! That was rude!" Vanellope scolded her dog, "Hey, what's going on here?" Vanellope asked.

"I accidentally ran into the Taffy swamp-" Taffyta began, "Candlehead, where are you going?!" Taffyta yelled.

"Don't worry Candle, Mama's coming!" Candlehead shouted as she dove into the Taffy swamp to get her hat. Vanellope grabbed onto the jacket and tried to help Taffyta who sunk back down. Meanwhile, Candlehead had reappeared from the Taffy swamp, holding her burnt out Candle in her arms. "Shh, it's okay baby, I'm gonna straighten you up, light you again, and you'll be fine," she kissed her candle and walked away to her house.

"FUDGE YOU CANDLEHEAD!" Taffyta called out as Vanellope helped her out of the swamp.


	6. Episode 6: The With drawl Conundrum

**Herschel Presents: Candlehead's DuMbEsT MoMeNtS**

**Episode 6: The Withdrawl Conundrum**

_I wish whoever gave me this idea would've given me their name so I could properly thank them. But credit goes to Guest. Let's see what happens when Candlehead accidentally breaks her precious Candle and has to go through the slow withdrawal process. _

"Candlehead, DON'T!" Swizzle Malarkey yelled at the ditz.

"Oh come on Swizz, I've always wanted to try this!" Candlehead replied as she strapped her lucky Candlehelmet on. The ditz of Sugar Rush was attempting a stunt, even Swizzle had yet to perform: Jumping Diet Cola Mountain. Since he was a professional DareDevil, Swizzle knew the dangers of making such a jump, and he had been practicing for years. But today, Candlehead decided to try it.

"You're going to hurt yourself!" Swizzle scolded her, "even though you'll regenerate, you're gonna hurt yourself," he warned her.

"Don't worry Swizzle," Candlehead patted the hat of the DareDevil, "I'll be careful, I've got my lucky Candle," she rubbed her Candle on top of her head. Swizzle threw up his hands in the air and scoffed, giving up.

"Fine, but if something happens, don't come crying to me about it," Swizzle stated before he climbed into his kart to drive away. Candlehead stuck her tongue out and started the engine to her _Ice Screamer_ and prepared for the jump.

"Sugar Rush History, here I come!" Candlehead yelled before mashing down the accelerator. Her kart lurched forward as the speedometer revved up and she shifted through the gears. Her head whipped back as it reached top speed, but before she approached the jump, a Uni-Candy-Corn was grazing around the licorice grass near the ramp. "Oooh, pretty animal!" Candlehead commented. She wasn't looking where she was going and veered off course, straight into the base of the volcano. "Ouch!" She yelled as she was flung from her kart and face planted the volcano before falling on her back. Some tears of pain slipped from her eyes, but she picked up herself and dusted herself off. Her eyes glanced down at the ground, where they met a horrifying sight: Her Candle was broken in two. "C-c-candle?" Candlehead whimpered. The small flame atop the wick slowly died out with a sputter, just as Candlehead let tears fall from her emerald eyes. "WAHHHHHH!" Candlehead cried over her 'dead' Candle. Hoping to be able to fix it, the birthday cake/ice cream racer picked up the bent up candle and ran as fast as she could towards Swizzle, the one person who knew everything about daredevil stunts. On the way to his house, she passed by Herschel and Duncan, the latter whom was giving a ticket to the former.

"I can vouch for my boyfriend Duncan," Sticky piped up as the pastry police officer was scribbling up a ticket, "he was not driving erratically, he was just practicing his maneuvering," she explained.

"Sorry, but that's not what I saw kid," Duncan replied as he ripped the ticket from his ticket book and handed it to Herschel.

"Yer only stopping me 'cause I watch NASCAR," Herschel stated before balling up the ticket and throwing it in Duncan's face, "I'm close friends with Vanellope; wait 'til she hears about this," Herschel warned before a blur of brown, pink and green whizzed by the three characters, leaving a blaze of fire behind whatever it was.

"Holy shit!" Duncan exclaimed as he looked at his radar gun which read _200 mph_.

"Good Mod," Sticky covered her mouth.

"Not even Wonderboy can go _that_ fast," Herschel said with an astonished tone and his eyes peering over his sunglasses. Meanwhile, Candlehead was still running as fast as she could to Swizzle's house, even nearly running over poor Herschel in the process. Candlehead slowed herself down to a stop in front of Swizzle's house and banged on the door so hard, a crack appeared in it.

"Candlehead, do you have any idea how long it's going to take me to fix that?" Swizzle demanded until he saw the flames licking up Candlehead's back. "YOU'RE ON FIRE!" He exclaimed before throwing a random bucket of water on her.

"My *sniff* candle is broken!" She whined, "help me fix it, you're the daredevil," she begged him.

"No, I warned you not to do the stunt," Swizzle refused as he checked over the big crack in his door.

"Then I guess you didn't warn me good enough," she countered in an irritated voice. At this point, Jubileena drove up to see what was going on. She exited her kart and approached the saddened Candlehead.

"Candles, what happened to your Candle?" Jubileena asked.

"Swizzle broke it," Candlehead replied. Swizzle's head snapped up in anger, yet at the same time, so did Jubileena's. She glared at the Fonzie of the game and tapped her foot.

"What do you have to say for yourself Swizzle Malarkey?" Jubileena demanded.

"B-but, I-I eh-she!" Swizzle sputtered out in fragments, but Jubileena held her hand up.

"You're gonna help her fix it, or else I won't spend time with you for a _month_," she warned and patted Candlehead on her shoulder before walking back to her Cherriot and driving away. Swizzle growled and yanked the candle from the racer.

"Get in here," he growled and pulled a bottle of glue, scotch tape and duct tape out from his drawer. He glued the pieces back together and then put the scotch tape around it before adding the duct tape. Meanwhile, Candlehead was in the living room, pacing and smoking a candy cigarette. "Okay, it is ready," Swizzle said and tossed it to Candlehead.

"IT'S HIDEOUS!" She screamed and tossed the deformed candle back to Swizzle. The candle was a mangled mess, and Swizzle somehow made it worse.

"I never said I was a miracle worker," Swizzle said before Candlehead kicked him in the shin, causing him to grab it and jump up an down in pain. "OUCH!" He screamed and sat down on his couch.

"Make me a new candle, or else I'll tell Jubileena," Candlehead threaten and pulled out her cell phone. Swizzle's eyes shot open and he pulled out a pen and note pad from out of thin air again.

"So, any new ideas?" He asked, trying to sound enthused about it.

**(Idea 1)**

Swizzle used paper mache to create a new Candle for Candlehead. It was crudely drawn on, but Candlehead liked it. "Ooh, it's sparkly! I LOVE IT!" She commented while lighting it with her match book matches. The candle burst into full flame and burnt up on Swizzle's carpet.

"Next!" Swizzle called out when Candlehead reached for her phone.

**(Idea 2)**

Swizzle chopped down a candy cane branch and stuck it to the top of Candlehead's head, and it lit up good. "Well it is cute and pretty, like me," Candlehead giggled, "but it _is_ a little heavy," she said as she tried to balance the heavy vertical branch on her head.

"I always knew you were 'light headed,' Swizzle joked. Candlehead screeched and fell over, breaking the branch in half. "I'm not making anymore!" Swizzle stayed his ground.

"Hey Jubileena," Candlehead speed-dialed the cheery cherry girl. Swizzle kicked the phone out of Candlehead's hand and started scribbling something on the note pad.

**(Idea 3)**

"Okay Candlehead," Swizzle said with a wipe to his forehead, "this is the last idea I could come up with," he told her before pulling on a string. A neon candle lit up on her head, with the flame light 'flickering' and the lights for the candle body was a perfect match.

"It's like I'm in Las Vegas!" She exclaimed happily, "I love it Swizzle, I'll take it!" she told the daredevil racer.

"Thank Mod," he replied and opened the door for Candlehead, but just as he did, Jubileena was at the door.

"I see you've been helping Candlehead," she smiled to Swizzle, "you're a good boyfriend, I'll see you tonight at Tapper's," Jubileena stated. Not noticing the wire connecting to her neon sign, Candlehead got the wire caught on the door, sending the sign crashing to the floor.

"OH COME ON!" Swizzle yelled and kicked the floor. He glared at Candlehead, who was surprisingly taking a third failure quite well. "Why are you happy?" Swizzle asked. Candlehead held up her index finger and pulled a real candle from her pocket.

"Ah, just in case for emergencies," she said as she put the candle on her head and lit it with a match.

"Y-y-y-you had a spare this whole time?" Swizzle asked with a twitching eye.

"Duh of course jawbreakers for brains," Candlehead replied, "I'd be an idiot to not have a spare in case something like this happens," she said to Swizzle before skipping away merrily.

"I hate candles," Swizzle commented before calmly shutting the door. Suddenly, a loud roar of anger and frustration was heard all throughout the game.

**End Episode 6**


	7. Episode 7: Through the Fire

**Herschel Presents: Candlehead's DuMbEsT MoMeNtS**

**Episode 7: Through the Fire**

_Sorry that this one just sucks horribly, but it was all I could come up with right now. Enjoy if ya like it_

* * *

"Good Night everyone!" Candlehead bid farewell to everyone at the party that was going on at Vanellope's castle. Soon, Candlehead found herself home, completely exhausted from a day of good hard racing (she won only two races) and the party where Gloyd got so drunk off root beer, he threw up all over Taffyta's dress. The green haired racer giggled at the funny memory while she was preparing herself some hot cocoa to help her sleep. She sat down on her chair and turned on the TV for some relaxing stimulation before bed. "HAHAHA THAT GUY GOT HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A COCONUT!" She laughed like an idiot and pointed at the screen. "Some people are so stupid," she giggled and wiped a tear from her eye, "luckily there are smart people like me to save the stupid people," she added before downing the last of her cocoa and setting the empty mug in the sink. She turned off the TV and the lights of her house and climbed into bed with the radio playing.

_"And in other news today, Gloyd Orangeboar was taken to the hospital after getting the shit beat out of him by his girlfriend, Taffyta Muttonfudge, after the former had accidentally thrown up on the latter's dress. Ms. Muttonfudge had only this to say:"_ The radio DJ announced.

"_GET THAT *BLEEP* MICROPHONE OUTTA MY FACE BEFORE I *BLEEP* RIP YOUR *BLEEP* *BLEEP* FACE OFF AND THROW IT TO THE *BLEEP* DEVIL DOGS!" _Came Taffyta's angered response.

_"No further updates at this time, we only know for sure that Gloyd will probably not press charges since he will probably not remember being drunk as hell. This has been KSGR, good night Sugar Rush,"_ the radio DJ bid farewell and went off the air. Candlehead switched off her radio and closed her eyes.

"Everyone is stupid but me," she calmly stated before falling into a deep slumber.

* * *

**(Two Hours Later)**

"FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!" Crumbelina shouted and dialed the fire department, "HELP THERE'S A FIRE AT CANDLEHEAD'S HOUSE!" She screamed into her cell phone from her house that was just next door to Candlehead's. The posh racer leapt from her house and ran over to Candlehead's to save her friend. Soon, more and more racers began showing up just as the fire department did.

"Ok, everybody back up please, the pros are here!" The fire chief, wearing a number 24 helmet announced. "I want hoses surrounding the perimeter, and I need a team of two to go inside and save Candlehead!" The fire chief barked orders. His men were quick as lightning. Seven of them had surrounded the Cupcake house and were blasting it with fire hoses. Two of the bravest fire fighters had busted down the door when Crumbelina showed up at the door, Candlehead slumped over her shoulder.

"BOSS, WE GOT TWO SURVIVORS!" One of the fire fighters announced through the radio, "come with me girls this way," he led the two racers out of the house. Crumbelina had dark blotches of grime, soot and ashes covering her face and night wear. Candlehead on the other hand, was passed out from smoke inhalation, but she was okay since she was in her own game. About five minutes later, the fire was contained and now it was time to wake up the ditz.

"Wake up," Crumbelina gently slapped Candlehad's face. Vanellope rolled her eyes and shoved passed Crumbelina.

"Let me show you how it's done Paris Hilton," Vanellope insulted the racer, "FREE JUSTIN BIEBER TICKETS!" She yelled through a megaphone that appeared in her hand.

"I WANT ONE!" Candlehead suddenly woke up awake and alert. But upon finding no concert tickets and a yard full of fire fighters and racers, Candlehead was extremely confused. "What's going on? *GASP* Are we having a sleep over at my house?!" She asked excitedly and clapped her hands like London Tipton.

"No, your house caught fire, are you alright?" The fire chief asked her.

"Well yeah, but I don't know what caused it," Candlehead explained. The fire chief rubbed his chin and asked her, "hmm, can you tell us what you did before going to bed?" He asked. "Let's see," Candlehead tapped her chin, pondering the thought, "I came home, watched a guy get hit in the head with a coconut," Candlehead started.

"OH I LOVE THAT SHOW!" Adorabeezle shouted before shutting up.

"And I made some hot cocoa, but when it was all gone, I just went to bed," Candlehead finished.

"Okay, did you guys find anything?!" The fire chief asked the fighters who were sifting through the debris of what used to be Candlehead's house.

"Actually, we found this," one of the fighters walked up to the chief, holding a smoldering Candlehat, "near a pile of drapes," he threw the hat on the ground.

"HEY, CAREFUL WITH MY HAT!" Candlehead scolded the fighter.

"Candlehead, did you go to bed with your hat on again?" The chief asked.

"Yeah, what about that?" Candlehead asked.

"Okay Ms. President," the Chief turned to Vanellope, "this is the TENTH time this month she's started a fire like that, we need to re-negotiate our pay," the chief stated to Vanellope.

"So, who's house am I staying in this time?" Candlehead asked. Every racer who was there backed up, not wanting their house possibly burned down. Suddenly, Herschel showed up in his Jeff Gordon PJs.

"Hey, what'd I miss? I was up late playing Black Ops II," he explained. All the racers grinned at him, causing him to become uncomfortable. "Why are you all starin' at me?" He asked.

* * *

**(Scene Transition)**

"Thanks for letting me stay here Herschel!" Candlehead called out from Herschel's living room.

"Whatever, I had to send Sticky home; I didn't want her to think I was mean to ya," Herschel grumbled angrily, "and if you set me house on fire, you will NOT be going back to my movie theatre EVER, do you understand me?" Herschel asked as he put on his flame resistant fire suit to sleep in and put about 20 buckets of water around the couch.

**End Episode 7**


	8. Episode 8: The Mail Frustrations

**Herschel Presents: Candlehead's DuMbEsT MoMeNtS**

**Episode 8: The Mail Frustrations**

_Just a thought I came up with. Please enjoy and review!_

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Herschel Nougatson was washing his beloved kart, The Wonderboy, in his driveway while the hot Sugar Rush summer sun beat down on the game. Herschel was busy jamming out to Def Leppard's _Rock of Ages_ while he noticed Candlehead acting weird. Every two or three minutes, Candlehead would scurry from her house and look into her mailbox, close it in frustration and walk back inside. Even more curious, she seemed to be running to the mail box faster each time she ran outside. Herschel paused the music and scratched his head, "I wonder what's goin' on with 'er today?" he asked himself.

"COME ON!" Candlehead screeched in frustration after slamming her mailbox shut, ripping it from the ground and chucking it near Herschel.

"Oh shit!" he ducked just as the mailbox nearly took his head off. The mailbox clattered onto his driveway, narrowly avoiding his kart. "HEY! What's goin' on with you today Dunderhead?!" Herschel yelled at Candlehead. The ditzy racer glared at Herschel and approached the fence separating their houses.

"Well, if you must know, I keep getting mail, but it NEVER shows up in my mailbox!" Candlehead whined. Herschel set down his hose and leaned against the fence.

"What are you talking about exactly?" Herschel asked, "who is telling you that you have mail?" he questioned her. Candlehead groaned and rubbed her forehead.

"My fudging computer beeps every two minutes and says, '_You've Got Mail!'_ But it NEVER shows up! I'm returning that stupid thing to Sticky's Electro Depot!" Candlehead threatened Sticky's boyfriend. Herschel's face was blank and he dug his finger in his ear.

"What? You're _computer_ is saying that you have mail?" Herschel wondered, trying to wrap his head around this.

"Yeah, but it's lying to me! Tell Sticky her products are poopy!" Candlehead shook her fist at Herschel and walked back inside her house. "SHUT UP YOU STUPID COMPUTER!" She shouted.

"Moron," Herschel mumbled and sipped his Pepsi Max.

**End Episode 8.**

_Yeah short, but how long could you make something this simple?_


	9. Episode 9: The Lady Luck Theory

**Herschel Presents: Candlehead's DuMbEsT MoMeNtS**

**Episode 9: The Lady Luck Theory**

_What's that? TWO episodes in ONE day? You guys are lucky as *BLEEP* I hope you know that lol JK._

Candlehead was excited to start her vacation as she wandered through the Casino of the _Monte Carlo_ Hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada. "I wonder what I could do first?" The now 21 year old asked herself. All around her, lights and buzzers went off, the sounds of nickels clinking into the winner's bin of slot machines filled the air as well as cigarette smoke.

"YESS THANK YOU GOD!" Candlehead heard a man shout as he won a $2 Million jackpot on the Star Wars slots. Cheers from complete strangers surrounded the man as he danced around with his nickel buckets. This peaked the interest of Candlehead who took out a $1 bill and looked around for a slot machine to try.

"Ooh, this looks good," she exclaimed and put her money into a machine. "Come on baby," she crossed her fingers and hit a button. Suddenly, a clanking noise was heard, and a Mug Root Beer can popped out of the bin at the bottom. "OH MY MOD I WON!" Candlehead jumped up and down like an idiot. She dug out a $10 bill, ran for the nearest change machine and got ten $1 bills out of it. She went back to the same machine and put more money in. She ended up 'winning' a total of: Three Root Beers, five Pepsis, one Crush Orange Soda, one Cherry Pepsi, and one Pepsi Max. "OH YEAH! CHECK ME OUT!" Candlehead danced around with all her soda cans, "JUST CALL ME LUCKY MCLUCKERTON!" She cheered. People were just staring at her like she was a deranged animal at the zoo. Rancis and Swizzle were hanging around at the Blackjack table, sipping some Coors Lights and shaking their heads at their friend.

"Should we tell her she's just playing a soda machine?" Rancis asked Swizzle.

"Nah, let her have some fun Rancis, then we tell her she's blown $11 for nothing," Swizzle replied.

**End Episode 9**


	10. Episode 10: The Airport Confusion

**Herschel Presents: Candlehead's DuMbEsT MoMeNtS**

**Episode 10: The Airport Confusion**

"Okay, so the boys are going to Charlotte for our week off, what do we do?" Vanellope von Schweetz asked her best girlfriends, Candlehead, Jubileena, Taffyta, and Sticky. The five were currently lounging around their dorm, thinking of a way to spend their week off.

"They leave in the morning for the airport, maybe we could give them a special send off?" Jubileena offered while she was texting Swizzle.

"Nah, they were going to the movies tonight, something about 'Lone Survivor' or something," Vanellope shook her head and tapped her chin. Candlehead was scrolling through her iPad Mini when an idea was slowly cranked out by the rusty gears in her head.

"What about Vegas? I'm sure there are some fun things for us to do there," Candlehead commented.

"That's a helluva an idea Candlehead, nice one!" Taffyta complemented.

"I'll check Expedia," Sticky offered and started typing away on her laptop.

"Okay, nothing too fancy, but not too drab," Vanellope said as she leaned over Sticky's shoulder.

"How about the Wynn?" Sticky asked and turned the laptop around for all to see, "they hold the NASCAR awards Banquet there every year in December, that's pretty cool," she said and crossed her fingers.

"That's a wrap for me! Who else agrees?" Jubileena squealed. All other girls agreed and brought out some money. Sticky clicked 'Book' on the website and shut the laptop. She grinned and turned around to her friends.

"Well, our flight leaves at 10:00 AM tomorrow, so we better pack and get some shuteye," she told everyone and bolted to her room to pack. "Hey Hershey," she said on her phone, "guess what? The girls and I are going to Vegas tomorrow! Yeah, we'll be safe, love you, see you in a week, and get Jeff Gordon's autograph if you meet him, bye!" her phone conversation was over with soon. Soon, all the girls were packed and were lying in their beds chatting.

"So, we should take just one car in case most of us are hungover," Taffyta blurted out while painting her nails.

"Come on Taff, who here is really going to get drunk?" Vanellope asked. All hands except Candlehead's went up, "Hmm, even I'm surprised by this, ok Candles, you're the Designated Driver," Vanellope said.

"Okay, that's fine by me," Candlehead barely listened as she opened up her Zippo lighter, lit it up and shut it, giggling.

**(The Next Day)**

The girls all missed the alarm clocks they set, and it was anarchy when they awoke. "HOLY SHIT, IT'S NINE THIRTY!" Vanellope screeched when she woke up. She quickly awoke everyone else and all five girls scrambled to get their suitcases in their SUV and to brush their teeth ASAP.

"Candlehead, to LAX NOW!" Taffyta ordered. Candlehead nodded and slammed on the gas pedal to 80 MPH.

"OUT OF MY WAY! CRAZY GIRLS GOING TO VEGAS!" Candlehead yelled at the other motorists on the road. Weaving in and out of traffic, Candlehead was making record time to LAX, but would they make it? It was already 9:45, and their flight left at 10:00. Suddenly, Candlehead took a turn and was just half a mile from the airport when she came across a sign. "AWW WHAT?! THAT SUCKS!" Candlehead yelled and slammed on the brakes and pulled a U-Turn.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Sticky shouted at her friend. Candlehead pulled over at a 7-11 and shut off the car. It was now 9:55, no way they would make the flight and security.

"Didn't you guys see that sign?" Candlehead asked.

"WHAT SIGN YOU IDIOT?!" Taffyta threw her purse at Candlehead.

"OW! That sign that said "Airport Left?"" Candlehead asked. The four other girls gritted their teeth and glared at Candlehead.

**(Five Minutes Later)**

Candlehead found herself tied to a candy cane tree while Vanellope, Sticky, Taffyta and Jubileena drove off for home. "DisneyLand okay guys?" Vanellope asked.

"Yeah, good enough," Sticky groaned.

"Aww, I like DisneyLand," Candlehead said sadly.


	11. Episode 11: The Rocks Hypothesis

**Herschel Presents: Candlehead's DuMbEsT MoMeNtS**

**Episode 11: The Rocks Hypothosesis**

_Sorry for the long update. As you can see, I really went all out with Start Your Engines._

* * *

**(At the Niceland Apartments)**

"Happy Birthday Felix!" Everyone shouted as Felix's Birthday Party was raging on.

"Oh thank you guys so much!" Felix replied while getting his groove on while Skrillex Deejayed the party. The Nicelanders put on a big birthday party for their main hero and invited the Sugar Rushers since their President was best friends with Ralph. And by pure coincidence, the Clown who normally bar tended the Niceland parties was out sick and none other than Candlehead.

"What'll it be guys?" Candlehead asked. Vanellope studied Candlehead and the various mixers behind her.

"Do you know anything about mixing drinks Candles?" Vanellope asked.

"I can mix Hershey's Syrup and Milk," Candlehead grinned in reply. Vanellope shook her head in annoyance and walked away, afraid of what dangerous concoction the dimwittted racer could come up with. "Come on, anybody want a drink?" Candlehead asked and drummed her fingers on the bar top. She stared at herself in a mirror, playing with her flame to pass the time. Then, someone cleared their throat in front of her. "Hello, what can I get for you sir?" she asked.

"Give me a scotch on the rocks please, I'll be right back," Gene replied as he went to the bathroom. Candlehead had a blank expression on her face. Completely shocked at what Gene had ordered, Candlehead giggled.

"Well, if that's what he wants," she told herself and put some scotch in a glass and then disappeared outside briefly.

**(A few minutes later)**

Gene returned to the bar and saw no bar tender, which angered him. "HEY! Where is my drink?!" He demanded. Suddenly, Candlehead appeared from the door behind the bar. She was holding his glass with his scotch.

"This was a weird one sir, but I got it for you," she grinned happily. Gene rolled his eyes and threw a penny on the bar top.

"Good job," he muttered and sipped his drink. He then started gagging and choking on his drink! He made no sound and started to flail around, knocking over party guests and the Felix ice sculpture.

"Hey, what's he matter with him?" Swizzle asked.

"I think he's choking!" Crumbelina declared. Ralph picked up Gene by his feet and whacked him on the back. Gene spit out what was obstructing his esophagus and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Never thought I would say this, but thank you Ralph," Gene thanked as his face returned to normal color.

"What happened Gene?" Ralph asked. Gene coughed again and pointed his finger at Candlehead.

"SHE PUT _**ROCKS**_ IN MY DRINK! AND I CHOKED ON ONE!" He yelled. All eyes turned upon the novice bar tender and glared at her.

"What? He said 'Scotch on the Rocks,' what else did he mean?" Candlehead asked. Gene picked himself up and marched over to the bar.

"I'll be taking _this_," he said and yanked his penny away.

"Aww, my tip," Candlehead said sadly.

"Yeah, you're fired," Don said to Candlehead.

**End Chapter 11**


	12. Episode 12: The ET Proposal

**Herschel Presents: Candlehead's DuMbEsT MoMeNtS**

**Episode 12: The E.T. Proposal**

_After almost a month of dry bone ideas, this one finally hit me as I was restocking M&Ms and Reese's Pieces at the movie theatre I work at. Prepare for hilarity! The name Elana Dech belongs to TURBOTASTIC_

* * *

Elana Dech, the CEO of the Mars/M&M Company, was sitting in her big soft Blue M&M office chair when there was a knock at her door. She set the bowl of Skittles and M&Ms down and replied, "Enter." The big doors opened to reveal her secretary, Taffyta Kaling, and three other people holding stacks of paper. "Ah, Ms. Kaling, what brings you here today?" Elana asked.

"Candlehead, these three want to talk to you about using M&Ms in an upcoming movie," Taffyta explained and handed Elana a packet.

"I told you to never call me that name, that was a one time mistake at a party!" Elana scolded her secretary and shooed her away. "So, what are your names?" Elana asked as she skimmed the packet which explained the movie and why the film company wanted to use her product.

"Well, I'm Vanellope Silverman Elman, I'm the CEO of Universal Studios," the raven haired woman explained.

"And I am Rancis Elman, I play a big part in the upcoming movie," The blonde haired man explained.

"And I am Steven Spielberg, I direct the movie," Steven smiled as he crossed fingers, hoping that he would reach a deal. Elana set the packet down and laced her fingers together, holding her chin up as if thinking about the proposal.

"I have _never_ heard of you Mr. Spyberg," Elana replied. The room froze in complete and utter shock, "But, I am a _huge_ fan of your movies Mr. Elman, I _loved_ Smokey and the Bandit!" Elana gushed.

"Hey Chicka-dee, that's my man you're gushing over," Vanellope warned.

"I-I directed Jaws Ms. Dech," Steven replied.

"Nope, too scary," Elana apologized. Steven sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Fine, it's not important, would you like to view some scenes from E.T. to see if you want to endorse M&Ms?" The director questioned.

"What would the M&Ms be for?" Elana asked.

"Well, the main Character would lure an alien he calls E.T. to his house using the M&Ms as bait," Vanellope explained and handed Elana a sketch of what the scene would look like.

"Alright, I'm game for watching some movie clips," Elana grinned. Vanellope produced a projector and pointed it at the wall.

* * *

**(One Viewing Later)**

"TURN IT OFF, TURN IT OFF!" Elana begged while she shielded her eyes. Steven turned off the projector and flipped on the lights.

"So, what did you think Ms. Dech?" Rancis asked, hoping to get the endorsement.

"No child would watch this movie!" Elana screamed, "It's TOO scary! Mars/M&M will NOT be affiliated with this children's horror movie, GET OUT!" Elana demanded.

"I guess we'll try Hershey Company for their Reese's Pieces," Steven shook his head.

"Call me Rancis," Elana flirted. Vanellope picked up a packet and chucked it at her face.

"I'm never eating M&Ms again," Vanellope grumbled.

"Psshh, that movie will flop and Hershey Company is gonna lose millions of dollars, hehe, morons," Elana lit up a cigar and puffed on it.

* * *

**(December 1982)**

"Uh, Ms. Dech," Taffyta knocked on the CEOs door.

"Yes Taffyta, come in," Elana said as her eyes were glued to the little TV in her office.

"Whatcha watching?" Taffyta asked as she set down some paperwork.

"E.T., this movie is _so_ cute!" Elana jumped up and down on her chair.

"But, didn't you think the movie was scary?" The secretary asked in astonishment.

"Whaaa? I never said that," Elana replied.

"Well, anyway here are the final quarterly reports of the year," Taffyta explained and handed Elana back a packet.

"WHATTTT! HOW DID WE LOSE $100,000!?" Elana demanded.

"Well, here's the news headline," Taffyta shakily handed Elana a newspaper.

"Hershey Company's Reese's Pieces are the best selling candy of the year," Elana read. "Reese's Pieces sales exploded after being featured in the summer blockbuster, E.T. Kids flocked to the candy stores after viewing the movie, and the CEO of Hershey Company couldn't be happier." "Are we the Hershey Company Taffyta?" Elana asked.

"No, we're not," Taffyta rolled her eyes, "Dumbass," she shook her head as she left.

"Hmm, I'm craving Reese's Pieces now," she licked her lips.

**End Episode 12.**

* * *

PLEASE SEND IDEAS!


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